‘Kintsugi (golden joinery) also known as kintsukuroi (golden repair) is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver or platinum’ (Wikipedia). However, ‘Kintsugi is far from begin a simple mending technique, it is a way of thinking, a way of life, an aesthetic’ (Artsper Magazine).
This metaphor ties in beautifully with the premise of Solution Focussed Hypnotherapy to accept yourself for who you are and embrace any opportunities to make improvements - rather than seeking an unrealistic unattainable ideal of perfection.
I have on occasion been asked ‘can you fix me?’ however I don’t believe my clients are broken. Overwhelmed, stuck in an unhelpful pattern of behaviour, a little lost sometimes … maybe … but there is always hope, especially if you’ve reached that fork in the road where you could either carry on in the same way and nothing much will change OR you could choose a different route because you want a different outcome. Also, I don’t claim to have a magic wand but if I could help you to help yourself, to believe in yourself – would that be useful? I wonder what difference it would make if you could find and focus on the positives?
It’s important to make peace with the fact that you’re not perfect (none of us are). Personally, I think that being aware of your own flaws and imperfections makes you kinder and more empathetic to others, which in turn may have a constructive influence on the way they see themselves.
By reframing your hardships it’s possible to gain strength and resilience because it’s when you’re challenged with the tough times that you realise what you’re capable of achieving. As Nelson Mandela said; ‘Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.’
Whilst your previous experiences play an important part in your story, if you have memories which cause you distress or act as triggers (whether consciously or subconsciously) to repeat unhealthy coping strategies then there are ways of processing them to remove the associated negative emotions. As you repair and reconstruct yourself after difficult events it is possible to look back and appreciate the fact that although it may not have been a pleasant experience – you did get through it.
Instead of using gold, silver or platinum I encourage you to notice your skills, strengths and unique qualities and use these to heal the cracks whilst accepting the scars in your past. This positive mindset also influences how you think and feel about what hasn’t yet happened. Exercise your ability to decide on your reaction and response to situations, events and other people. Use your imagination to visualise success and move forwards more freely towards your preferred future.
Be the best you can be,
Katherine.
BA (Hons), DipSFH. Reg AfSFH, CNHC, NCIP
